i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
