the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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