Are we in a gay sports bar?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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