..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
