I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
