If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
