maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
