are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
