Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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