I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
