So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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