marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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