i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
