I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
