Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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