I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
