Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
