Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
