Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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