If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
