His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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