i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Everclear isn't food dammit
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
