Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
