They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
