dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
