And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
