Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
