how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
