Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
