Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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