dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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