also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
