someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
