Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
