can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
