he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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