Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
