I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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