i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
