It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
