yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
