I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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