i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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