I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
