Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
