He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
