My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
