Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
