I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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