there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
