I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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