wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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