i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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