Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
